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Jan. 21st, 2011

Writer's Block: How could you?

Would you ever take someone back after they cheated on you, and why? What could change your mind?

no. the end.

Jan. 19th, 2011

(no subject)

No matter what I do I always end up back at livejournal for any and all posting.  It's just so much fun with the icons.

Nov. 23rd, 2010

(no subject)

I have a blog now.



Jan. 4th, 2009

Forever Isn't Always Pretty

Yeah I can't think of a title real good or whatever.  And I read it a bajillion times to check grammar and spelling but still, if there are any mistakes please forgive them.

Pairings: Jacob/Nessie Jacob/Bella
rating: Teen
Warnings: Character death(s) and slightly... creepy(?) plot device.
Summary: Renesmee was supposed to live forever and ever with Jacob and the Cullens.  Too bad forever isn't always pretty.

The end of the world did not come as a whisper or a loud explosion.  It started as a letter from Nahuel.


Hundreds of years had passed; the human world around them changing so quickly that the Cullens, excluding Jacob and Renesmee, had decided it'd be easier to stay in their home rather than attempt to play with the humans’ new do-hickeys and thing-a-ma-bobs.  So when they heard, and smelt, a human standing awkwardly at their mailbox that was covered in ivy they were anxious to see who could possibly be trying to contact them.  Carlisle read the letter first.


He didn't tell the others what it was about at first.  Edward knew, but Bella was unable to persuade him into telling her.  Carlisle burned the letter.  The Cullens continued their lives as they always did. Jacob and Renesmee finally returned from their excursion into the human world after their adopted son refused to be part of the immortal life.  Carlisle could barely hide his grave face as Nessie came back home, making Jacob snarl and possessively keep her away from Carlisle; the bearer of bad news.


Another year rolled by quickly, and with the New Year came a new letter. As Carlisle read the letter again, he tried not to think of it so Edward wouldn’t know. Edward knew but Bella didn’t. Jacob didn’t want to know and Nessie was oblivious to all around her as she still grieved the fact that even their third son did not want to live forever but with his new lovely mortal wife.


Ten years passed and with each passing year came a new letter. But by the time the eleventh letter came, the rest of the Cullens would have their answer; Nahuel was coming for a visit.


Jacob was the one of the first to see him and decided he would take Nessie out hunting. Bella gasped and Alice looked away. Even cold hearted Rosalie visibly cringed when she saw Nahuel. Carlisle carried him in.


Nahuel was dying.


They set up a room that vaguely reminded them of when Bella had first given birth. How ironic the same room that was for the birth of a life would also be the one where one would end. Nahuel had wanted to be with the people who seemed so lovely when he had first met them. He had wanted to die surrounded by love but it was obvious that the Cullens were too frightened by the idea of death to give him any. Carlisle and Esme were the only ones who visited him regularly; hardly leaving his side. Jacob would visit when he wasn’t with Nessie; he had long lost his pack when he gave his only Alpha orders for them to go to La Push and live out their lives, so he was eager to speak to anyone new. Bella did not allow Renesmee to see Nahuel and got into fights constantly with Jacob about it. He said she had the right to know what was going to happen.


Nahuel would ask for Bella. She wouldn’t go.


She couldn’t stand to see him like that. Her own baby girl would eventually look the same. The same pearly white skin that was slightly luminous, but at the same time was the unnatural pale of death she had seen on her father’s face as he had been dying. The way she could see through the crack in the door as he would raise his trembling bony hand to hold Carlisle’s, the way his eyes were sinking into their sockets. It would get worse by the day as she would peep through the door but would never enter.


She knew what this meant.  Renesmee would soon be going through the same thing and while she was denying the fact that her daughter would be dying soon, she couldn’t bear to think about what it would do to Jacob. Dear Jacob who she sometimes wished would smile at her the way he used to, would laugh and play with her the way he used to when they were young. She had hurt him, however indirectly, and she could see it in the way his eyes would spark with worry when his Nessie wasn’t looking.


One day Esme went to their garden and picked some flowers. Nahuel called for Bella one last time; the mother he never had, the woman who had looked at the other half-vampire child with love that he no longer had. She did not go. She stayed in the corner of the first floor with Edward’s arms gently wrapped around her. They smelt the burning of the cold flesh that had been limply carried outside. Esme came back with the flowers arranged beautifully in a vase filled with ash.


Twenty-three years after Nahuel’s passing, Renesmee started to die.


It was slow at first; she dropped a few things here and there, tripped like how Bella used to, and didn’t eat as much. Jacob took to the changes instantly and carefully watched her every move as if she was glass. And she was glass after a few more years. Rosalie would avoid the child she would used to viciously protect, Emmett closely behind. Alice and Jasper sat quietly together as Alice struggled to see if there was a way to save Renesmee.


But for some reason, neither Jacob nor his precious Nessie would see if vampire venom would be able to save her life. Maybe it was because Nessie had lost her adopted children to the ways of mortality or maybe it was more that Jacob was against his imprintee becoming like the woman he used to love. Bella shrunk back at the mere thought of Jacob’s reason.


Nessie was seen less and less in the coming years, it was either because no one would want to see her, or she didn’t leave her room. Bella didn’t want to see either of them because her baby was dying and once again Jacob was hurting. Even when she thought it had been happily ever after she knew Jacob was hurting this whole time. Jacob hadn’t wanted to imprint and although he could not reject the imprint Bella knew that she still wanted a piece of him to be hers. She still had a Jacob drawer in her heart that had started to rattle free. That’s why she had been so mad for him imprinting on her child. He was no longer hers to toy with, to lean on, and to break. Now it was her daughter that was leaning on him; breaking him.


The last time she saw her daughter has been etched into her mind, a disturbing scene that makes her regret being able to live forever; the memory replaying repeatedly in her mind. Renesmee was far worse than Nahuel had been and their third adopted soon had come to say goodbye. His aging eyes did not look at his mother that was cradled ever so gently on his father’s lap. Nessie’s hand rested on Jacob’s, continuously sending images into his mind. She looked at the strange similarity between Jacob and his son. Jacob had stopped phasing when he found out about Renesmee’s impending death so now both he and his son had graying hair and a couple of wrinkles. The difference was that Jacob had no laugh lines.


Bella watched as Jacob relayed Nessie’s message of love to their son. She wanted to see him closer as she could not turn her head to see him. She looked perfectly disgusting; like a body that had started to decay, but it did not smell or flake. Their son started towards them but stopped. Tears streaming down his face, he shook his head.


“I’m sorry.” And then he was gone.


Renesmee’s body started to twitch as Jacob cooed and cradled her lifeless form, the few tufts of her bronze hair that were left were dirty and grey as they gently fell from her skull, her eyes rolled up inside her head. She stood watching them through a crack in the door for no one knows how long, her dying daughter unable to properly show her grief except in the form of random jerks as her voice box had long deteriorated.


Bella hadn’t realized that creaking the door open after an eternity of silence would have a fatal side effect. Jacob unsuspectingly jerked his head up in and snarled defensively, and in that one move Renesmee was no longer twitching.


Jacob’s hand had moved ever so slightly so that Nessie’s head had fallen out of his hand; the sound of her neck breaking echoed in the room. Renesmee's head looked as if it yearned to roll onto the ground but could not because of the hard granite skin she had inherited from her vampire father. As Bella fell to the floor Edward was already there to catch her as she heaved; she could not cry as Jacob did.


Carlisle was unsure of how to proceed. Jacob wouldn’t let him close enough to examine her, but they all knew deep in their un-beating hearts that she was dead. Her heart had stopped with the snapping of the neck and they weren’t getting her back. Carlisle gave up and everyone moved on, all but Bella. Jacob was like a chiseled statue, staying in the same position no matter how much Bella begged, no matter how much she touched him, no matter how much she kissed him. She tried everything to get him back.


But as Bella stood in the doorway of the spider web filled room with the lone source of heat cradling a dead body, she realized that as soon as she had chosen Edward, he had no longer been hers.

Oct. 29th, 2008

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January 2011



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